Game Changer: 6-Step Lesson for Leading Through Conflict

The Pyramid of Influence concept is a game changer I learned that has helped me address conflict. Let’s be honest — ongoing conflict at work or home can be an energy drain. Whether you’re trying to motivate a team member, guide your teenager, connect with a partner or rebuild trust in a strained relationship, it can feel frustrating and inefficient. You think to yourself, “Really? Why am I not getting through? How many times do I have to tell them?”. It may be time to step back and examine from which step of the Pyramid of Influence you’re approaching the conflict.

A Different Way Forward: The Pyramid of Influence

The concept of the pyramid was developed by The Arbinger Institute. The Pyramid of Influence offers a new lens for how we engage others — shifting us from control to connection, from conflict to collaboration, and from forcing outcomes to creating alignment. It’s a universal model for anyone who wants to move toward alignment, collaboration, and growth. At the base the pyramid is mindset – looking inward. Before we can influence others, we must first see them as people — not as problems, obstacles, or roles. See them as human beings with their own pressures, issues, fears, beliefs and intentions. That single shift changes everything. Because when people feel seen, understood, and valued, influence happens naturally. Conflict becomes conversation.

Now let’s dive into the six steps of influence.

Arbinger’s Pyramid of Influence offers a powerful roadmap for how to lead, communicate, and repair relationships effectively.

The Six Steps of Influence (and How to Move When One Doesn’t Work)

In real life, most of us start influence attempts at the top “Correct” — trying to correct or fix behavior. So that is how we will approach the pyramid. It’s the most practical and instinctive — after all, we’re often just trying to solve a problem quickly. But when that doesn’t work (and often it doesn’t), the power lies in knowing how to move down the pyramid — toward deeper influence and real alignment. Here’s how each step works — and what to do next when your current approach isn’t landing.

Step 1: Correct

Most people’s first instinct, including myself, is to approach the situation with correcting them. It’s quick and to the point, and sometimes, this is all that is needed to address the problem and prevent it from occurring in the future. But when it doesn’t, it’s usually because correction without understanding feels like criticism. The other person may resist, defend, or tune out.

If correction isn’t working, move down to Step 2 — Teach and Communicate.

Step 2: Teach and Communicate

Maybe they didn’t fully understand what was expected or why it mattered. At this level, you focus on clarity and intention — explaining not just what needs to be done, but why it matters. Be clear and thorough with your message. Yet even the clearest message can fall flat if the person doesn’t feel heard or respected.

If communication doesn’t connect, move down to Step 3 — Listen and Learn.

Step 3: Listen and Learn

When you hit a wall, it’s time to switch from talking to listening.

This step is about curiosity — seeking to understand what’s getting in the way. What pressures are they facing? What assumptions are you both holding? What beliefs or previous programming are they defaulting to?

Often, just by listening, resistance softens and collaboration begins.

If listening still doesn’t create movement, move down to Step 4 — Build the Relationship.

Step 4: Build the Relationship

Sometimes, the issue isn’t the task — it’s the trust.

This step is about investing time and attention in the relationship itself. It’s showing genuine care, interest, and consistency. When people feel connected, they’re far more open to influence.

If your one-on-one relationship isn’t enough, move down to Step 5 — Build Relationships with Others Who Have Influence.

Step 5: Build Relationships with Others Who Have Influence

In many situations, you’re not the only voice that matters.

Maybe there are others your employee, child, or colleague respects — peers, mentors, partners. Building genuine relationships with those people can help create a supportive ecosystem of influence.

If even this doesn’t bring change, move down to Step 6 — Reflect and Ask: “Is There Something I Need to Change?”

Step 6: Ask Yourself, “Is There Something I Need to Change?”

At the bottom of the pyramid lies the hardest — and most transformational — step.

Here, you pause and look inward: Is there something in my mindset, tone, or approach that’s blocking connection? Do I have limiting beliefs or prior programming that is keeping me stuck from change? This isn’t about self-blame — it’s about self-awareness.

When you shift your mindset, others often shift in response. Influence begins with who you’re being, not what you’re demanding.

Final Thought

The next time you find yourself in conflict—pause and ask yourself:

• Where am I on the pyramid?

• What would it look like to move one step down?

Instead of rushing to correct, try moving downward—listen, learn, connect, and reflect on your own mindset first. That’s where real influence begins.

A saying that I hold dear to heart is, “People don’t care what you know, until they know you care”. When we see others as people who matter as much as we do, connection replaces conflict—and leadership becomes an act of humanity. Conflicts become less about winning and more about understanding. Teams start solving problems together. Whether you’re leading a team, managing a household, or navigating friendships, remember this truth.

Let’s Talk

Are you struggling with change in your workplace or at home? Interested in learning more? How would you or your business benefit from practical ways to apply these steps. Take that first step to contact me and let’s talk of how I will help you. Through coaching, I help professionals resolve conflict and find peace by finding clarity, strengthening self-awareness, improve how they show up for others, and lead transition and change.

Schedule a FREE, no obligation discovery call to explore how I may serve you or your business https://www.salvatoreleone.com/contact